Providing support and consultancy on

Online Safety 

Training and signposting for Schools, Parents, Businesses and

​Professionals. 

(Multi Agencies)

Beyond the fear – Conversation not confrontation. (a 21st century approach)  FOR PARENTS
Time for a change of approach towards our children and their internet use and education. Could the lockdown of 2020/2021 be the opportunity parents need to reset how they talk to children and educate them to stay safe online? Engaging in open dialogue to understand how your child uses the online world then applying parenting skills to identify and with them discuss (and if necessary deal with) the issues your conversation reveals.   
Few if any could have predicted the growth and reach of technology over the last couple of decades. The early days of Friends Reunited and Myspace, Bebo etc in the world of Social networking were ground-breaking at the time. The handheld Gameboy was an early indication of the future growth of gaming and Pc games like Doom began to gather traction. Communication improved and Skype and Apple ‘Face time’ began to seep into our everyday communication with the world wherever we were. An exciting time on the edge of new technologies, the earliest adapters were children and often adults felt left behind.
Fast forward to 2021 – Artificial intelligence, augmented and virtual reality, live streaming, video influencers, worldwide gaming platforms, E-sports games with players earning millions, video sites allowing upload of all our filmed creations, drones, automated cars on the horizon, the internet of things (from internet enabled fridges to home security systems), the world of smartphones and their apps just to name a few of the changes and we begin to see how far forward and how quickly we have moved. Isn’t it now time to change to move forward in the way we educate our children and ourselves in digital literacy and understanding the digital world through real world conversations?
Where are we then in terms of educating our children to navigate this world, to build their digital literacy, critical thinking, and an understanding of how to protect themselves from the darker elements of the internet/technology? In our communication from parent to child have we built a resilience in them to give them the confidence to avoid the worst excesses or dangers of the online world?    
The adult approach for many years has been from the point of view of ‘danger’ when we talk to young people about online safety. “Don’t talk to strangers you don’t know on the internet”, “Don’t give out too much personal information” “too much screen time is bad for you”, “Only play games in your age rating”, “Don’t meet up with people you don’t know from the internet”. Is this the right approach and does it fit the internet of today? Or should we be much more nuanced in our approach? Does one size fit all? Are the messages the same for each individual child regardless of maturity, mental capacity, confidence, technical and emotional knowledge. Most parents know the strengths and weaknesses of their children regardless of whether they engage with their online world. Is it now time to consider a different approach to their online safety?  
Part of the reason for the ‘Don’t’ approach in online child safety in fairness, stems from the fact that professionals are trying to reach large groups of parents through schools and other avenues. It is often a fact that the scary story method commonly used by our media today garners attention. It also needs to be said that we will struggle to try fresher approaches without adults at least engaging in the conversation. That said is it time to start a more child focused line?
 
 
 
Parents who are concerned by the scary internet stories often react by restricting access (or at least trying to) often via technological solutions such as filtering/monitoring. Although there is a place for this in more extreme cases, for the child it is often punitive and punishing. Given that access to the internet is ubiquitous it can also provide a false belief in the adult that their child is now ‘safe’. Of course, privacy settings in sites can be important but lets discuss another way of approaching these issues from the perspective of the child and the parents relationship with them.
 
What subjects we broach with our young people will not always be the ones we as adults see as the most concerning. There are many pieces of research that include and value the voice of the child. One such recent (2019) piece from Youthworks and Internet Matters, carried out a survey of nearly 15 thousand young people from across the UK aged 11 to 17yrs. Called ‘In their own words – the digital lives of schoolchildren’ it provides insightful information into the things that matter to this age group.
Parents and their involvement in online safety advice are part of the study.   
How young people handle e-safety advice from parents
 • 54% mostly follow advice from parents.
• 35% sometimes do.
• 10% hardly ever or never do.
• 50% think ‘sometimes or most of the time parents don’t understand enough about online issues’.
 • 64% say they and their parents are learning to stay safe online together. • 80% say ‘I can manage my own online safety most of the time’.
• 48% help people with online problems
Do you trust your child? If they are happy, confident, and well balanced you would have no obvious reason to not do so. How many of us, in reality have had a real and honest conversation with them on how they use the internet and what issues they may face and what concerns they may have? It cannot be stressed enough how important it is to have this conversation. Are they one of the 35% who sometimes take your advice or are they part of the 10% who take no advice? If your child is vulnerable offline there is a high chance that this vulnerability will be reflect in their online use. Important then that they are fully supported. 
EU Kids Online has a report that presents new findings on the coping strategies children use when bothered by something online, and whether they evaluate these as helpful.
“Across all risks and across all children, talking to somebody was the most popular coping strategy”
“Several recommendations are offered to help children improve their online resilience. These range from teaching children how to use (online) proactive coping strategies from an early age in both formal and informal contexts to helping children tackle their psychological problems and build self-confidence, paying special attention to more vulnerable children, i.e., those low on self efficacy and high in psychological difficulties”.    Leen d’Haenens, Sofie Vandoninck and Verónica Donoso    
Where we begin to build the resilience and connect with our children as parents then starts with conversation. How do we do this without a dependency on the ‘Don’t’ messages. Lets look at some possible avenues and some of the main issues young people face online today…………..
Nude selfies (known by adults as sexting)
It is doubtful that there is anything new in the world of sexual development in relation to experimentation. What is new is the ability to share that development and excitement with others through the medium of technology. We must look backwards to understand the differences and impacts that technology now makes in the world of sexual development. In the pre tech days of ‘you show me yours and I will show you mine’ and ‘Doctors and Nurses’ sexual awakening was a gradual, private and personal thing. Easy access to pornography and the sexual imagery of music stars, Youtube influencers and homemade videoing (ie:Tiktok) has potentially made overt sexuality more acceptable and mainstream.
Often young people are enamoured by online relationships whether formed quickly or over a period of time. Online boyfriends/girlfriends can be to them as valuable and cherished as offline and of course could end up in a real life relationship. What then happens, as recently (Covid), where an offline meeting is delayed and not possible. Of course if conversation online becomes sexual there is the opportunity to develop the sexual side through shared imagery. In the warmth of their bedroom and trust in their partner the temptation to share intimate images can be overwhelming, and in that moment it is unlikely the average 13/14yr old is going to consider any impact from this if things go wrong.
It is when it goes wrong that the sharing of nude selfies can begin to cause problems. There are many ways that the image can be shared without permission. It could be through low level or more serious coercion, blackmail, boasting, relationship breakdowns or simply some kind of revenge. The potential for harm tends to increase if the shared image is then placed online. The ability to recover this or have it taken off the internet is at best limited. Knowing that a naked or semi naked image of themselves is likely to be impactive on many children and can have the potential to affect their futures.
Most nude selfies are shared between similar aged children however not all. It is very important if you think your child has been targeted for naked images from an adult that you report the matter to the Police immediately     
Advice: Each image Female – semi naked or naked Male – naked of a child under the age of 18yrs is considered by law to be an illegal child sexual abuse image. The Act relating to this was created in 1978 and there is an understanding between Police forces, the CPS and the National Policing College that in straightforward circumstances no child will be burdened with a criminal record for what is a sexual experimentation at a vulnerable age using familiar technology. In fact, in most cases the maker of the image will rightly be considered a victim and supported.
Having a conversation with a child can be very difficult but at this point when you perhaps recognise there is an emerging recognition of sexuality it can be vital. Discussing honestly the issues around sharing intimate images could be the reason your child balances risks and positives and comes up with a sensible outcome when faced with dilemmas around this. There is plenty of advice out there and before any conversation it is worthwhile reading and understanding the full picture.    
 
Resources: https://www.mumsnet.com/teenagers/sexting-advice-for-parents
https://parentzone.org.uk/article/sexting-and-how-protect-your-child
 
Body image/self esteem
One of todays concern raised by the Cybersurvey was the increased concerns in young people about how they looked. Instagram amongst others has always encouraged a shop window approach to the self. As well as being a great place for creativity and connecting with others lives there has always been an element of competition on who has the best life, best clothes, friends, body etc. The survey revealed worries over this self-image focus.
“As ever, there are several areas that should concern us – principally the challenges of harmful content – both for boys wanting to ‘bulk up’ and girls wanting picture-perfect bodies, or even worse anorexic or harmed bodies”.
Ages: 11 to 16 years (guidance only)
Even though it may not seem so, your child, even in their teens, looks to you for advice and guidance. Of course, how they look is often very important to them, especially older teens who are looking for relationships, love and sex. The pressure to look good can be massive online and how can we reduce that pressure. Once again conversation is key. How do they view themselves and what can you do as an experienced adult to alleviate their concerns? Explanations need to be clear that there is no perfection in body image that is reachable by the vast majority of us. It is important to get across the fact that the images on the internet are often air brushed, filtered and unrealistic. Being loved for who you are and what you are is not unattainable and the right partners are findable without trying to reach the unrealistic expectations of the often-fake images online. Are you able to have a look at your child’s favourite ‘influencers’? Start a conversation with how they look and ask what your child sees as the positives and work from there. It may give you a chance to understand where the fragilities lie in how you child views them and the world around body shape/image etc and allow you an opportunity to debunk some of the falsehoods. At the very least it will help you understand the issues and develop ideas to cope with this.  
Resources: https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/feelings-and-symptoms/body-image/
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/body-image-report/childhood
 
Bullying:?
Ages: 7 to 16yrs.
Sadly, being bullied online is probably one of the most common issues young people face online. Although the behaviour is still bullying it is extended and subtly changed by the reach and scope of the online world. It can become 24/7 and incidents when filmed can rapidly escalate, the bully profile can change, and physical strength become less important. It has the scope to leave a child feeling socially isolated and excluded. In its lesser forms most children will form their own resilience and overcome the issues very often without adult help. In worse cases bullying can drive children and young people towards self-harm and in extreme cases suicide. It is important to be aware of changes in your childs behaviour, in particular towards the use of technology. Although signs may be subtle, has your child lost interest or shown a reduction in their use of technology. Has their gaming reduced without your input, do they jump when they get a text message, are their mood swings more frequent?   
Conversation: Discuss with you child the reasons for their change in behaviour. It is important not to start off with advising them that you are going to tell the teacher at school or target the bully online yourself etc. A reasoned conversation on what is behind the bullying and who they think it might be, or if indeed they know the person. As an example, if the bullying is happening in an online game often, as an adult, your first response may be to stop them playing the game. This immediately punishes them not the bully. Reporting incidents to the game may bring some immediate relief to the situation but you may need to enlist the help of other organisations (and indeed the school if it is another schoolchild involved) to help. If you do this consider the feeling of the child and try and involved them in the decision making.     
 
Resources: https://www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/all-about-bullying/online-bullying
If on a gaming site https://www.ygam.org/
 
Gaming:
Online gaming is a massive industry in 2019 according to the BBC
The video games sector now accounts for more than half of the UK's entire entertainment market, according to a new report.
The industry is worth £3.86bn ($4.85bn) - more than double its value in 2007 - said the Entertainment Retailers Association (ERA).
That makes it more lucrative than video and music combined.
 
The industry is not likely to have declined during lock down and in fact may well have increased its market share given the increased use of technology.
Gaming is a vibrant ever-changing world, from early beginnings innovation has driven the industry to new heights. There are many types of gaming/games many of them are however multi player and often worldwide games accessible to all with a computer/phone. Children as always are very different and some prefer single player alone games. Other prefer action games and many like to play with known friends. There can be no simple definition of a gamer and the time and frequency of how each individual child plays is different.
Before getting to the issues gaming can cause it is important to say gaming can provide great development skills. Often children’s use can improve skills such as strategy, communication, special awareness and improved motor skills. Younger children particularly Primary age focus on gaming as their main enjoyment of technology and why not especially if they are not facing any of the issues that can cause problems.      
 
 
 
 
Addiction/Compulsion – Only recently have the medical establishment classified gaming as ‘addictive’ in particular circumstances. However compulsion can be an issue with younger children who often feel pressured to play the games their peers are playing in order to achieve credibility.
 
 
Bullying can be more common in gaming environments that first perceived. Often players can form their own resilience around this. Younger children will often mute or block offensive players or bullies. It must also be borne in mind that swearing and foul language is much used in the online environment and adults in an 18 or mature rated game are unlikely to take into account the delicacy of a 10/11yr old in the same environment. Rating of games carried out by the BBFC or Pegi organisations are guidelines but more important is for parents to make themselves familiar with the games their children take an interest in. It is always valuable to spend even a short amount of time watching and perhaps playing with your child in their games. 
 
Advice: There are lots of different resources out there including descriptors of the games themselves. There are many arguments in houses across the UK from children trying to persuade parents to let them play particular games. Often the excuse from the child is that their friends are all playing it. To build an understanding of the game is important for the parent here. Ask your child what they think the game is about and then do some homework. It is important to note that you are the best judge of your childs character and are best placed to know if they are too sensitive for a particular game or whether they would be frightened or distressed by it. Monitor their use of the game, behaviour changes, length of time on it, anger issues etc and remember you are the parent  and in charge of their gaming time and extent.
Building an understanding of a game can help smooth things in the household. Conversation about a particular game and what it entails can help avoid arguments. For example dinner time. The average sort of time to play a full ‘Fortnite’ game is around 20 minutes. Dinner is ready and your child is in to 10 minutes of a game in which he/she is doing particularly well. Winning will improve their status within the game and with their peers. Mum starts shouting dinner is ready and to stop the game. An argument ensues. Why not give your child fair warning on the timing of dinner then hopefully they will not start a new game in that time zone.
If you do not wish your child to have access to a particular game be firm but please do have an honest conversation with him/her about the reasons why to help them understand. The blanket ‘because I told you so’ may well lead them to finding access to the game without your knowledge. If they still do so without your permission at least you are on strong grounds.            
 
Resource: https://www.ygam.org/
https://www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/
 
 
 

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What do Ofsted look for?

Mental health online

On Online safeguarding during an inspection?

What policies do I need?

and where can I find up to date templates?

and how does it affect my students? ​

Online staff indiscretion

Should I be concerned about it?

Independent schools​  - facing broader issues that require tailored, contextual approaches.  

The voice of young people                -

Reflecting conversations with young people back to schools.

“If television's a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.” 
― Dorothy Gambrell, Cat and Girl Volume I
“We refuse to turn off our computers, turn off our phone, log off Facebook, and just sit in silence, because in those moments we might actually have to face up to who we really are.” 
― Jefferson Bethke, 
“Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?” 
― Bill Maher

Understanding and tackling Internet issues.  

Understanding the complex issues the Internet has brought to modern society can be daunting in both Professional and personal life. The constant legal changes, media stories, Government requirements and Internet 'scares' can add to already heavy workloads for professionals. There however is plenty of support out there to educate and enable students and staff to understand and deal positively with online safeguarding and mental health issues. AE Consultancy Ltd offers a wide breadth of support through training presentations, tools, policy structures and access to a broad range of (often free) resources. Quality assured through experience and www.aacoss.org   

Training/awareness sessions as described below can be tailored to your needs or that of your organisation. They are based on half day/full day costings. Please feel free to contact us for further detail.  

• Staff awareness
• Parents evenings
• Multi agency - scenario based discussions and support
• Fostering and Adoption Agency support
• Conferences
• Students sessions Yrs 4 and upwards. 
• Tailored sessions to your audience